Warming Up To Climate Change

I'm really worried about global warming (yawn). I think you should all be worried, too. So I've re-written Foreigner's "Cold As Ice" to express my concern.

You may want to sing along.



You're as cold hot as ice
You're willing to sacrifice our earth
You're not very nice
One day we'll all pay the price, I know

I've seen it before
It happens all the time

It's cold,                           it's hot









I can't make up my mind

You're driving your car
You're paving the way
To a global cooling warming disaster
But some day you'll pay

When it's as cold hot as ice
You're going to have to sacrifice your dough
We won't roll the dice
We're going to jack up the price of living here


We'll take all your cash
Then give it all away
A redistribution of wealth
Will keep climate change at bay

Cold Hot as ice
You know that you are
Cold Hot as ice
As cold hot as ice to me

Like Wow!

So like, I heard an interview of, like, Cameron Diaz. And like, she was asked, like, what she was, like, doing in her life to, like, reduce global warming. And she, like, said that all her travel is, like, carbon neutral. And I was like, "Wow, that's so great. That's, like, so admirable."

I like, have no idea what that means because, like she didn't elaborate, like. But, like it doesn't matter, because, like, she's gonna save the planet. And she, like, said it's so easy. And I, like, so wanted to, like, slap her. But I couldn't, like do that, because, like, I don't know where she lives.

In Mourning

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but I've had a lot of other things on my mind. Plus, I'm still in mourning over the demise of Saddam Hussein. I think a song/ode may be in order.

Stay tuned.

God Still Speaks To Him

At the start of last year God told Pat Robertson that "the coasts of America will be lashed by storms."

Being from the east coast, I am totally unfamiliar with being lashed by storms--except for, maybe, the Halloween Storm of 1991, a nor'easter, that damaged or destroyed more than 1,000 homes from Maine to the Carolinas or the February 1979 Presidents Day Storm, another nor'easter, that brought the nation's capital to a standstill or the blizzards of 1978, 1993, 1996, etc--not to mention all the hurricanes and tropical storms.

Pat says that little bit of flooding that New England experienced last year counts.

Okie dokes.

God also told Pat "there well may be something as bad as a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest."

God may want to get a new doppler or crystal ball or whatever one uses to predict such things after that gaffe.

This year God has told Pat, "A terrorist attack on the United States would result in 'mass killing' late in 2007."

So if a teenager sets off a pipebomb in the church toilet during Mass, and the rectory cat is killed...

It's About Freaking Time

A Jihad Christmas

Won't you sing along with me.

Click play button for musical accompaniment


Hear those car bombs exploding
The terror it's foreboding is true
Come on it's lovely weather
For a suicide bombing with you

Outside the shrapnel is sailing
And women are wailing, "Boohoo!"
Come on it's lovely weather
For a suicide bombing with you

Baaboom! Baaboom! Baaboom! It's swell!
Makes your heart melt
Just be sure not to forget
Your suicide belt

Baaboom! Baaboom! Baaboom! Let's go!
Don't drive too slow
Premature detonation could
Blow up your parents' home

Our cheeks are nice and bloody
And feeling like putty are we
We're mangled and twisted
Like Snyders pretzels would be

Your head's over here
And over there is my hand
Our martyrs' bodies
Are splattered all over this land

There's a solemn burial
At the cemetery today
It'll be the perfect ending
To a perfect day

Our glorious triumph
They will surely eulogize
But we won't be able to hear it
Cause we'll be in Paradise

They'll be burning the flags of
The U.S. and of Israel
They'll be shaking their fists
And chanting death to the infidels

It'll nearly be like a picture print
By Currier and Ives
And if we were still living
We'd remember it the rest of our lives

If that's Allah a-calling
Why do I feel like I'm falling so fast
I thought I was finally getting
Seventy-two virgins at last

Now I see it so clearly
Somebody was lying to me
Nothing but pain and suffering
For all of eternity

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Conversion Complete

Recent convert to Islam, Derrick Shareef, 22, of Rockford, Illinois (don't pronounce the "s") was arrested after trying to trade stereo speakers for four grendades and a handgun from an undercover agent. He planned to set the grenades off at a mall on December 22nd then mow people down with the gun as they ran from the explosions--allegedly.

Never has a religious convert come to understand his new religion so thoroughly, so quickly.

          

It really puts me in the holiday spirit--makes me want to sing a song.